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To The Guy Who Broke My Heart

Hey, I know it’s been a while since we’ve talked. I just wanted to send a little note your way. No, I’m not writing this to complain about how you ruined my life or shattered all of my dreams. I once thought you did those things, but looking back now as a married woman, I realize the exact opposite is true. That’s why I’m here to say thank-you.

Let me start by thanking you for treating me poorly. Although I know I didn’t deserve that kind of treatment, it taught me to respect myself and hold higher standards when it came to choosing a companion. You showed me the importance of looking for someone who cared for me enough to work hard, lend a helping hand to those in need, speak with kindness and even do those things you considered “outdated” and “uncool” – like asking my dad’s permission to date me, opening the car door and respecting my body and purity.

I can’t help but think back to all of those times you bailed on me after we had already made plans for a date night. Often it was just an hour or two before we were supposed to go out. I know, I know, the guys invited you to hang last minute and you just couldn’t say no, right? I remember the sting of not being a priority in your life. I remember holding back the tears when you called to back out, and I certainly remember letting them flow as I read yet another text filled with excuses and broken promises. From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank-you for those times, too.

You may be wondering how I can truly be grateful these things, as rotten as they were. I mostly appreciate them for reminding me of how blessed I am to have a husband who loves me completely and fully as a man should love a woman. He works hard to provide for our family, isn’t “too cool” to pray with/for me, speaks with grace and treats me like a lady – not a piece of meat or a trophy to show off to his friends.

I don’t know where you are today or what your life may look like, but I hope these past experiences have taught you a thing or two as well. My prayer and greatest hope for you is that you’ve learned the importance and value of being a gentleman, living a life rooted in kindness and considering others as a priority above yourself. I don’t hate you, and although I certainly can’t say I miss you, I just had to set free the pain I allowed you to build in my heart so very long ago.




Do you share a similar experience? Leave a comment below.

Julianne Wilson

Striving to make the world a little brighter.

  • Colleen Orozco

    Just wanted to say…thank you, we’ll said. I’m not remarried yet and I wait on The Lord to lead him to me but Jesus is my perfect husband and our hurts you spoke of…Jesus has healed me to show me I’m worthy to receive better!!!!

    February 8, 2014 at 4:24 pm Reply
    • Harlene Youngberg

      Colleen, I related to what you shared, after 33 years of marriage my husband walked out of our marriage and family, he broke my heart and left wounds in our adult children, although you were unfaithful and still unfaithful to me, God used this to help me see I had put my family before Him. He had to take everything so that He could fill me up with Himself and the Lord has given me unspeakable joy and that has made all the difference. God has told me to pray for you, the husband and father of our children; that you would know the Lord. I forgive you for breaking my heart and I truly hope you will find God’s perfect will for your life; but unless you seek God your life will be empty and the family who once trusted you will find peace that God is a defender of widows and a Father to the fatherless.

      September 20, 2015 at 11:44 pm Reply
    • Janet Carey

      Colleen, I’m with you! As much as I would love to be married again and have a better, free-from-abise marriage, I’m waiting for God’s choice this time around.

      December 21, 2015 at 5:46 am Reply
    • L A

      I am still hurting and still in a lot of pain! Y husband and I are still married, though we haven’t lived together in years. He has ruined my name in my hometown. He cheated throughout our marriage and has had numerous girlfriends in the years we’ve been apart, but I stay married. Everyone thinks I’m insane. Maybe I am. I believe in one marriage for life! We have a 5,year old beautiful baby girl! I have been really bad recently, my family was alarmed. This past August I had to go away for a bit and one night outta town I look on Facebook and see my husband at the beach with my best friend laying in the sand and they with my mother-in-law. I felt so betrayed and alone I sorta checked out for a minute. Trying to find some way to settle back into my life but I just feel like I don’t fit I’m outta place. Any advice is welcomed and needed ladies. Oh, the past few days he’s been texting me everyday saying wants a divorce, I guess his new girlfriend is getting upset. Anyway, I am on disability. However, he has a well-paying job but he is only telling me because I’m spoiled and come from a family of money, so he wants me to pay for it. First off, he wants it so why so I pay? And second, I didn’t tell him, but he already tried to get me to pay but I didn’t want this. Anyway, so I tell my parents about it and they pay my lawyer for it. Well, he wrote it up and then went to the hospital for some tests and died, a shock to everyone. Well, I had the divorce paid for and was just gone have my husband find out when it was filed per my lawyers advice but now I don’t know what to do. How do I get money back or make a claim or something? I really have no idea and I’m 37 but a big spoiled baby who has never really done much on her own but I’m trying to not involve my parents as much as I can and be an adult but I am not going to let my family pay for this again. They just want me out of the marriage whatever it costs. Why does no one care what I want? I don’t know what to do.njyst crawl in a little hole. I just want someone to ask me how I feel and what I think but as always I let everyone else run my life and I just accept whatever they decide. My family will take care of me but it’s just the fact I make no decisions in my own life. Like I’m not the captain of the boat no, I’m just a passenger viewing my life as everyone else makes decisions for me. Please help!

      January 20, 2016 at 11:41 am Reply
  • natalie

    LOVED THIS….These are the same exact words I would write if I was to sit down and write..I am not married yet, but I know that the One I marry will treat me 1000 times better than who I dated, Thank you so much for sharing Juli!

    February 8, 2014 at 4:26 pm Reply
    • Joiada Coroza

      I 2nd motion Natalie. I feel so excited as I look forward while waiting on GOD’s perfect time to meet my GOD’s Best!!! ☺

      February 8, 2014 at 11:57 pm Reply
    • Joiada Coroza

      I 2nd motion Natalie! I feel so excited as I look forward while waiting on GOD’s perfect time to meet my GOD’s BEST.

      February 9, 2014 at 12:59 am Reply
  • Jayne

    Amazing, beautiful and heart felt. Full of love, forgiveness and humility! Thank you, I needed that as my ex fiance and I split 8 weeks ago and he became engaged 5 weeks later..all in all, he was not the christian man he claimed to be. I feel like it was meant for me to read this as I know God has a better plan and man for me. Thank you for sharing and God bless you!

    February 8, 2014 at 4:29 pm Reply
  • Amy Miller

    Oh my goodness this is amazing! Thank you so much for sharing.

    February 8, 2014 at 4:31 pm Reply
  • Shazreen Binti Jamal

    This is so amazing. Thank you so much for this.

    February 8, 2014 at 4:36 pm Reply
  • graziaadagio

    I have had similar experiences. Unfortunately, it took more than one incident of getting my heart broken to learn my lesson but when I did I realized that those experiences showed me what not to look for in a man. Thank you for putting this out there!

    February 8, 2014 at 4:36 pm Reply
  • Rebecca Godsey

    Oh my goodness! This was actually (believe it or not) super helpful for me! Thank you doll! I love and miss you so much!

    February 8, 2014 at 4:37 pm Reply
  • Kimberly Webber

    My heart is very heavy reading your post, but very excited, because I am still hurting after 7 years of my husband leaving me for someone a whole lot younger than me, and I had just had our 4th child 2weeks before he left. I look forward to the future getting to write this note to my ex-husband 😉 it will be very freeing for me.

    February 8, 2014 at 4:53 pm Reply
  • Rosdaly


    February 8, 2014 at 4:53 pm Reply
  • Jen

    I was engaged to a man who didnt treat me right. He cheated on me and ive had that anger and pain in my heart for the past year but reading this and being with the man i am now made me smile. Very well written and probably helpful/relatable to many women. Thank you for this!

    February 8, 2014 at 4:56 pm Reply
    • Karla Giovanna

      I experienced a heartbreak similar you yours. My ex boyfriend fake proposed to me and later after our break up he confessed to me that he never loved me and he didn’t meant to propose. He led me on bailed on me when we planned a date. I’m thankful he dumped me because if he never did I wouldn’t have the most wonderful bf I have now

      October 17, 2015 at 4:52 pm Reply
  • Cathie

    Beautiful. My husband and I would be together almost 20 years. He walked out on our marriage and our 17 year old daughter back in November. After telling our daughter had he known his life with me was going to turn out the way it did, he wouldn’t have married me, he looked both of us in the eyes, told us he was not leaving for another woman, blah blah blah. Well, we know different. He took the older female home to meet his family at Christmas. How embarrassing. Anyway, I encourage our daughter to pray for him. He has got to be in a very dark and lonely place. He hasn’t offered a dime to help with our daughter. I am so blessed, I have God’s guidance, I will be just fine. I will always be able to look our daughter in the eyes with my dignity and integrity. Thank you Jesus

    February 8, 2014 at 4:57 pm Reply
    • Krystene Falk

      You are one strong woman and I pray for you and your daughter. I am sorry this happened to you. But it sounds like you and your daughter are better off. Good luck to you and your daughter

      February 11, 2014 at 3:03 pm Reply
    • stephanie

      take care of u and ur daughter and stay strong. Mens are all the same jerks

      February 14, 2014 at 1:36 am Reply
  • April Stroer

    This is so acurate and so beautifully written!! Thank you so much.

    February 8, 2014 at 5:03 pm Reply
  • Ken

    Awesome letter. I’m a guy saying it as well. Yes, I was guilty of some of these as well. Our marriage ended in a divorce after nearly 25 years. I wish I could go back and fix all I did wrong. I miss spoiling her, just holding her, and yes just talking to her. All of Gods daughters deserve the best. Maybe someday God will let me be a Godly husband I should have been.

    February 8, 2014 at 5:12 pm Reply
    • Tracie

      Why don’t you show her how you miss her?? Doesn’t hurt to try to make wrongs right!!

      February 9, 2014 at 5:17 am Reply
  • Annette

    This seriously made me tear up! I am not married yet but it’s in my heart to find a man of God who will love Jesus first and do all those things!

    February 8, 2014 at 5:29 pm Reply
  • Lisa Manyon

    This is beautiful and exactly how I feel although I have yet to meet the right man. 🙂
    Thank you.

    February 8, 2014 at 5:38 pm Reply
  • Noah

    Hey Mrs. Wilson, um, I know I’m a guy posting here. How do I put this? Well, God has put someone in my life, but also recently has brought me back to where He’s all I need. However, I have taken both of them for granted and pursued old bad habits at times. After reading today how Jesus is my Lord and Savior, but also He is my friend, and then talking to my friend in Florida, who honestly admits that she loves me. Um- I’ll make it simple, said this a million times, I don’t want to take them for granted anymore or pursue the rotten things my old self used to love. I don’t know why I do what I do sometimes, but I gotta make sure that I should seek to serve God. It’s not easy, I want to honor this girl with purity, whether God wills us together or has us remain friends (even if God does will , it’ll still be a while, I’m glad He makes us wait honestly, I’m not yet suitable or trustworthy to be a husband, though a work in progress). If perhaps I should talk to your husband about this instead, I can. If so, does he have an email or something I can contact him with? If you have any insight, I will also appreciate it. Above all, put God and others first, put me last, please do pray though.

    I do talk too much, want to show more with actions, but for the right reasons; to live for Him because of His grace, not to try and earn His grace.

    God bless,

    As my friend would say, Ilrab Ma3ek (God be with you.)

    ~ Noah

    February 8, 2014 at 6:27 pm Reply
  • Karen

    Thank you so much Juli. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that we didn’t lose the one we love because they didn’t really loved us back.. They lost someone who loved them and they are not going to get them back. Remember, our heart is made of muscles and everytime it gets broken, the more it gets stronger.

    February 8, 2014 at 7:00 pm Reply
    • Sherry

      Your comment is so right on! I left my husband of almost 20 years because I felt he didn’t love me anymore and took me for granted. He is the one hurting while I am healing. I am now lonely and mistakenly thought that a male friend was “interested” while I was married and that gave me the strength to move on as well. I now don’t feel that this male friend is interested in me now that I am divorced. He knows I am interested in him and has yet to call me. I feel like a fool when I see my friend now, but I am starting to avoid him when I run into him. Thank God I never slept with him. My heart would really be broken, and my head would be spinning. I am hanging on to wishful thinking that my friend will eventually come around and want to be with me.

      April 1, 2014 at 1:46 pm Reply
  • Alisha Nichole Kennell

    You got it! Those are the words right from my mouth. God has a way of fixing things, I’m so grateful for my husband now. He really uses every piece of our life to teach us things and give us strength when we deal with the same situations. He’s great, and truly blessed me and you with men of God seeking faith. Congrats:) May God continue to give us his grace.

    February 8, 2014 at 7:18 pm Reply
  • Stormie

    This is exactly how i would state my feelings for my ex… He is a child molester and didn’t tell me, i found out when he was sent to prison and was in for about a year, a whole year i had to give him money for food, phone calls, etc.. and when he got out he never did thank me, never did show me gratitude, he will always be a dead beat man in my book… To this day i don’t think about him, but i do thank him for ending things so i could find the love of my life, and i couldn’t be happier!!!

    February 8, 2014 at 7:33 pm Reply
  • Casey

    I was dumped two days ago and I was taking it really hard. I’m very thankful I saw this in my feed. It put into words what I hope to be able to say for my future.

    February 8, 2014 at 7:42 pm Reply
  • Charisma

    Thank you for posting this! While God has not yet decided to bless me with a husband, I dated a man who I sacrificed some of my principals for and treated me poorly. Unbeknownst to me, That same man turned out to also be involved in another relationship… Married. My experience with him really taught me just how bad things can turn out when you choose not to follow the Biblical principles God has laid out for us. I no longer hate this individual but I certainly have no desire to speak to him again. I’ve come to a place where I have been able to pray for him and his future children because I can’t imagine how a girl that didn’t have a life rooted in Christ would react to what he put me through. I decided that he had enough issues is his life if would treat me the way he did, and me hating him would accomplish nothing. I felt the greatest sense of healing and forgiveness when I began praying for him and I recommend others try it out!

    February 8, 2014 at 7:49 pm Reply
    • Julie Traglia

      Thank you for your post Charisma, it has helped me. I married a man who convinced me he was sent from God, but after 6 years of abuse- physical, mental, emotional, and yes even spiritual abuse- I have become stronger and will be leaving him in June. He carries his bible with him all the time, even while he torments me, he actually believes he’s a christian and we met in church. The part of your letter that helped me was when you said hating him would accomplish nothing. I think I hate him, and I think I hate myself for what my life has turned into. I should have waited and not have let him talk me into marriage after only having known him for 6 months. Unfortunately I was on antidepressants and wasn’t thinking properly…Time to forgive myself-now, thanks for your help. 🙂

      March 27, 2014 at 4:58 pm Reply
  • gie mann

    BEAUTIFUL ……just like how thankful I am to the Lord for the way He change the course of my life.

    February 8, 2014 at 7:53 pm Reply
  • Traci

    Wow! Bloggers like you remind me why I want to blog myself. You have a real gift for written expression. And this post 100% resonates with me. I had my heart broken a few times before I met my fiancé, and I’m SO thankful for what I learned from it and what/who I have now. Beautifully said!

    February 8, 2014 at 8:26 pm Reply
  • Angie Salicetti-Villamor

    Great post and very insightful and relatable for me. Forgiveness heals the heart. I’m thankful for my heartbreaks as well, because they led me to my husband (may God bless him and protect him always).

    February 8, 2014 at 9:12 pm Reply
  • Jabulani

    Wow! Sister that’s great. We Christians sometimes turn to forget that God’s word will never ever change. What God said million years ago will never change today. Remember God says in His holy Book that: ‘When one door close, the other one opens’, ofwhich is the best door from worst. All the best in your marriage always pray for your husband to always be the best man as is right now because you’re a woman of God and God will grant you everythng you wish to have and ask for.

    Thanx keep on encouraging us!

    February 8, 2014 at 10:05 pm Reply
  • Liah

    I’m encouraged by this post because I know so many women have gone through something similar to this.
    I personally can relate to the first part.
    I am thankful to God for letting me go through painful yet positive outcome (even though it only hurt for a few years.)
    Through every trial or disappointment, God has taught me valuable lessons I don’t think I would trade for a no-hurt past. He provided healing over time, and now I can be wiser about when and who I let close to my heart.
    God bless.

    February 8, 2014 at 10:07 pm Reply
  • Shie

    I feel this right at this very moment, even though I don’t have a new one yet. But I pray that someday, I’ll find the right man for me. Thank you for this. Very beautiful.

    February 8, 2014 at 10:32 pm Reply
  • sarahi

    Amen sista, right there with you.. I love this post

    February 8, 2014 at 11:36 pm Reply
  • Hannah

    I was dating a guy for five years, and he sounded just like the guy who you were describing. He broke it off with no explanation at all. I’m now with a compassionate and loving guy who treats me better than I thought I deserved. Thanks for writing this letter. It portrays a forgiving heart which is something I was lacking. (:

    February 9, 2014 at 12:47 am Reply
  • Ernie

    Hi Juli. Being on the opposite side of the spectrum (I.e. Male) I must say that I really found your posting inspirational. I tried to be a good Christian husband but I’m sad to admit that my wife left me about a year ago because the way of the world was more appealing to her than settling down and possibly starting a family.

    I was devastated and admittedly still hurt everyday, HOWEVER I know now that this the Lords plan all along and I haven’t been closer to Jesus than at present in my life.

    February 9, 2014 at 1:15 am Reply
  • laura

    Thank you for helping me see how I SHOULD feel about my ex husband, it has been hard not to hate him for the past 2 years. He is still living VERY high on the hog while me and my 4 year old live below the poverty level and it makes me angry, but after reading this, I see that I need to find peace, forgive and be stronger in the long run. I could have stayed and had any material thing my heart desired, but I would most likely still be an active alcoholic and pill popper whose husband said it wasnt his problem that I drank too much, that he was going to go out and live his life and not staying out of the bar because of MY problem. Yes, it is hard to type this…but..I would rather be worried about how to pay my light bill than be with a man who refused to support me through my hard time. Thank you Lord for getting me out, now please just help me back on my feet…Thanks again for showing me that my hate was just hurting me, not him!

    February 9, 2014 at 1:44 am Reply
    • Alexa Tapia

      Hi Laura, as as fellow single mother, I can definitely relate to how you’re feeling. It’s a very painful and conflicting feeling… Especially when you realize, how can someone who once loved me, let not only myself, but his own child struggle financially? It is very hard to stop loving someone like him, even though they clearly don’t deserve it…. or love us back. I’m struggling with that right now. Hopefully someday, with enough prayer, and eventually (not now) the right man, I will realize and find peace. Right now though… not so much. Like you, I keep trying to remind myself that all of this energy spent of him, is only MY energy spent.

      February 12, 2014 at 9:20 pm Reply
  • Moli

    It’s so true….thank you to him, who treated me so bad because now no one will ever do it again!!!!!

    February 9, 2014 at 5:44 am Reply
  • Eme

    I hope someday I could get there. It has been a year plus and I’m still working on moving on… I know how devastating it is to be with someone who can’t commit to a relationship but want someone to love him.

    February 9, 2014 at 8:28 am Reply
  • Tori

    This was amazing. I am yet to be married but the man I dated before the man I am with now treated me so bad. And now I have a good fun loving man

    February 9, 2014 at 8:39 am Reply
  • sheret

    kudos to you for being so courageous and gracious girl! 🙂 may you be always happy in marriage 🙂

    February 9, 2014 at 9:27 am Reply
  • Matt

    I think this is a great testament for faith and I really enjoyed and I am from the other side, I’m a guy. I have always been the kind of guy that wears my heart on my sleeve and put everything into my relationships. I was just with the girl that I was sure was the one and we had talked about getting married even though we had only been together a year. I bought her flowers more times in our relationship than I can count, opened doors, complimented her every day and worked tirelessly at our relationship and just to make her feel loved in every way possible. I stood by her side when things were rough. I supported her always. I wrote her letters, surprised her with little gifts and date nights, I was absolutely crazy in love with this girl. Then Some things went awry in my life and instead of being by my side and supporting me she abandoned me when I needed her most. I realized that I had always been wanting more from her and was never truly happy. We tried to work through things but it was too much for her. She gave up. That was 2 days ago. I also found out that yesterday she went out and got drunk and fooled around with a guy she claimed to be just friends with. I just hope that someday I will find a girl who wants to fully commit, give their whole heart, and love me the way I love her. And this gives me hope. Thank you 🙂

    February 9, 2014 at 9:41 am Reply
    • Ana Rose

      There are girls out there who want to love a man with all of their heart and soul. Believe me, because I am one of them and I say never give up! Keep asking God to bring that person to you that fits you best. I am praying the same thing for me and He will be faithful. Hang in there brother!

      February 11, 2014 at 8:08 pm Reply
    • Lady M

      You sound like a wonderful guy. Keep hoping, my friend! You’ll find her. 🙂

      March 21, 2015 at 4:48 pm Reply
  • \

    If only all my exs felt this way life would be a lot easier.

    February 9, 2014 at 10:34 am Reply
  • Sam


    Thank you for this. I have allowed pain to seethe too long, and I will forgive and let go now.

    February 9, 2014 at 10:44 am Reply
  • Burcardo

    Well said! Just be careful, too endless care and love can lead to emptiness after a while. Find the perfect path, god may be with you.

    February 9, 2014 at 12:42 pm Reply
  • Latonya

    Thanks so much for this letter. It really gives me such encouragement. I’m currently dealing with a Broken Heart…..and it seems lkke an emotional roll-a- coaster….Yet I know God always works things out!! I realize that God is preparing me for Greater…..

    Be Truly Blessed!!!

    February 9, 2014 at 12:42 pm Reply
  • Brianna Faulhaber

    This was beautiful and will inspire many more women as they read it to dump that piece of trash pick themselves up and go find prince charming because he is out there … somewhere . I know I have found mine after a terrible first marraige.

    February 9, 2014 at 6:17 pm Reply
  • Kara Murry

    I can understand the hurt left behind from past loves that didn’t quite meet expectation,but they are’t all bad. I have learned from my ex what it is I did, and did not want in a significant other. He made mistakes, but no one is perfect. I learned from the pain, but hold dear the memories.

    February 9, 2014 at 6:56 pm Reply
  • Sara

    Thank you so much for this. I just recently put time and effort into a man who I thought was different than the rest only to prove me wrong. He promised me so many things, and in the end broke all those promises. He acted like he wanted a relationship only to say, “he’s not ready for a relationship right now,” only because I wouldn’t sleep with him unless we were committed to each other. :/

    February 9, 2014 at 8:08 pm Reply
  • Leslie

    Once I thought i loved someone so much it would kill me if he left. Once he left i realized that what i thought was love, wasn’t. The guy i was dating broke my heart in pieces and left me on the floor crying because i wasn’t “Holy” enough for him. He made me feel worthless, like i never could deserve love. Later on that year, once i picked myself up off the ground and stood up for myself, i realized what love really was. I may not have been “Holy” enough for him but for God i have always been good enough. God would never have left me the way he did. I learned a great deal from that relationship, I learned that I am worth loving and that i am good enough. Its been two years now and that guy called me the other day to see how i was and to pray for me, and i am now strong enough to say that I pray for him as well. I forgave him for leaving me but i thank him still to this day for making me realize that i am worthy of love. A few months after that heartbreak God put the man of my dreams in my life. God, through my soon to be husband, showed me that love is gentle and kind, and there are people out there who do love me. Thank you for sharing your story and allowing me to share mine!

    February 9, 2014 at 8:12 pm Reply
  • Janell

    I loved this! As I was reading this I thought I was reading about myself and my life. Thank you for sharing!

    February 9, 2014 at 8:24 pm Reply
  • Cassie Vasquez

    This is so true, I can definitely relate, love it!

    February 9, 2014 at 9:14 pm Reply
  • Angela

    I read this and decided to repost this on Facebook with my own note to the one broke my heart. We still have many mutual friends and although we’ve been apart for 7 years neither one of us has deleted the other from Facebook. Below is the addition I made and I know that he’s read it because one of our mutual friends called to say that he appreciated my sentiments.

    “He knows who he is…he didn’t just break my heart, he broke my soul when he decided to cut me out of his life. I understand why he did but that doesn’t mean I agree with how it went down. I was never disrespected, unappreciated nor was I ever in a position where I felt unsafe, I do thank him for that. But most importantly I thank him for breaking me because without it I may not have had the clarity to truly appreciate my husband for who he is and for every effort he makes to keep me a priority. I know the one who broke my heart will always have a special place because of the lessons he taught me. The saying is true, “No matter how good a woman you are you will never be enough for a man who isn’t ready.” At the time I wanted more and he couldn’t give it to me. I’ve since realized that I would always come second to his ambitions and that isn’t something I would accept. I genuinely wish him the best that life has to offer because he does deserve it. He was true to his word and seems to have followed the dreams he wanted to pursue and I did the same. I found my 10 and one day so will he…”

    February 9, 2014 at 9:44 pm Reply
  • Patty Cha

    Thank you for giving me a chance to live life to the fullest.

    February 9, 2014 at 10:02 pm Reply
  • Eddie Styres

    Wow! I’m a man who can so relate to this because I went through a 4 1/2 year marriage that ended with me walking out on her. She was a very good person, and when I married her I hoped she would be the only woman I would ever be with. Speaking on behalf of the men who have done this same thing, I will say this; I realize now that I have been gone from her for over three years that I married her for the wrong reasons. I married her from a selfish heart. I married her for everything she could give to me. When she couldn’t give me anymore I was done with her. I know to you ladies that sounds so cruel,and I agree with you 100%, but it’s the truth. Our world is so self seeking that it can even determine the outcome of marriages. Today my ex and I have at least an understanding. I regret hurting her more than she will ever know, but God showed me the problem as I spent time with Him. And just like He used juli’s pain to bring about her strength, He is doing that for my ex. So ladies, take it from a man who had to learn the hard way, look for a man who selflessly loves you and doesn’t just want all the time. Yes, us men have needs of course, but look for a man who can put those needs aside at times to show you that you are their heart. I pray for the woman who’s heart I broke. I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing Juli. Bless your new relationship. God is amazing!

    February 9, 2014 at 10:36 pm Reply
  • av

    I just read this post today but i am amazed that this was posted on the day i was dumped (that’s 2 days ago).
    I’m still feeling very deeply hurt but i believe God made this post to talk to me and comfort me.
    At the moment i terribly miss my first ex. I now understand how it feels being dumped after letting yourself fall so deeply in love with the person you love. It feels so unfair and i don’t like the feeling of it at the moment. But thanks to this post i am assured that in the future, i am going to look back on this and thank the Lord for allowing me to learn from this experience.
    Blessings to you who posted this!


    February 10, 2014 at 12:10 am Reply
  • mong ji

    i miss my girl and i took granted on her while we’re together cause i always thought that we always get back together no matter what until she went back to her ex. at first i felt so angry for she went back to her ex but as time goes by im the one who took granted someone that meant the whole world to me. it has been 2 years since she left but still im missing her every single day how i wish i could turn back the time and show her how special she was and still is back then.

    February 10, 2014 at 3:21 am Reply
  • Grace

    I was smiling the entire time reading this. I wasn’t married yet but I’m already with someone who took all the pain away, someone whom I know God prepared to be my lifetime partner. 🙂

    February 10, 2014 at 3:23 am Reply
  • Cassie

    Thank you!! It’s taken me a while to cope with my ex husband leaving me. I took my time with dating again and was blessed to find someone who treats me so much better. And again thank you for this!!

    February 10, 2014 at 4:56 am Reply
  • kristyay

    Hi, I saw your blog entry from facebook. And I have to say I was in the same situation too! except that I am not married yet:). I was just really resentful but after getting to know God more I believe that it was a lesson learnt because I would not have learnt in any other way. And I am sure that God had already assigned “the one” for me. But still, the guy that broke my heart will still be in my prayer. I hope that this story will go out to all those girls or even boys out there and not rush into a relationship but really understand that God has planned it out carefully already!!
    Much love, Kristy

    February 10, 2014 at 5:23 am Reply
  • Justa

    That was great & so very true! I used 2 live a similar life like that! He was so posseive not 2 mention that we fist fought! It was a long journey that I dont regret cuz I did get 1 of the best things from him, my daughter who is a beautiful 13 yr old! We were 2gether on & off for about 10 yrs, more 2gether then not, but Ill never 4get the last & final time we separated I met my soul mate! I wasnt out lookin 2 get w/ne1 I just happened 2 go visit my brother & his friend was there which I kinda knew , but now I kno him even better! Im so blessed 2 have a guy that actually treats me right! Luvn My LDB 4ever7!

    February 10, 2014 at 6:05 am Reply
  • Maeve Mallory (@mallormb)

    I would tell this to my exboyfroend and first love, even though we are friends, he tore my heart apart. Thank you to him.

    February 10, 2014 at 7:26 am Reply
  • Baby

    I was ignored like garbage two days ago by the man I love for almost 5 years and I was taking it really hard breaking my heart. I’m very thankful I read what you shared and I realized what happened is God’s way and time for me to detached from him and wait to meet God’s best choice!!!

    God bless….

    February 10, 2014 at 11:28 am Reply
  • Laurel

    I am 17 and have never been on a date! My dad is the old fashioned type who wants to take more of a courtship approach to marriage. Even though it is hard to see all my friends having fun with their boyfriends, I appreciate the fact that my dad cares about me like this. Yes, I crave the love of a guy, but I am grateful that my parents are trying to protect me from all the heartbreak. God will provide when the time is right!

    February 10, 2014 at 2:15 pm Reply
  • therevjesusfreak

    Julianne Wilson- I am so glad that you have found someone who makes you complete and make you feel special!! That is amazing! God is truly good!

    Miss Julianne, I am not trying to discount what you went thru, but my concerns is with guy who pour and pour and pour life into their girlfriend, or fiance, spoil them like a princess, and just shower them with affection, and love on them only to get back in return things that they didn’t good enough, getting mad over little things like having no cell reception for less than 5 minutes while your in the restroom to only get cold response, and a sense of distrust, not able to work at your job with no joy, at jobs that you love doing because you knew that you would be given the cold shoulder because you were at work. The guy who has to seek counseling after the break-up because of all the hardship that she put him thru. Because the girl told him, many time many times that she didn’t trust him, when He gave her no reason to distrust him, was faithful, and was willing to show her anytime day or night his account on social media, e-mails, phone, but yet she didn’t trust him, just running him into the ground, and just give me give me give me. Like that guy who you experienced all these things with you, have also got to realize there is a guy who has gone thru the same hardship as you did, because He was trying to love her at her level, but it wasn’t worth it in the end. Guys Hurt Just as bad as women do, not if more, because we internalize things and we just don’t post things out on the open. Be an advocate for those guys who were in your shoes too!

    February 10, 2014 at 8:49 pm Reply
  • Shey

    Thank you for sharing and showing us how we would see our ex’s. I have been in that same situation before where every night i had to shed tears because i never was a priority in our relationship but thanks to God that He let me out of that bondage of always being rejected & not being a priority 🙂

    February 10, 2014 at 11:37 pm Reply
  • Kaylee

    So true! God’s blessings on you for your heart and speaking the words true. I read this before realizing who your husband is. I love both of your words and I’m grateful that you take the time to write them. God bless!

    February 11, 2014 at 4:44 am Reply
  • Kara

    I wrote something like this to an ex boyfriend of mine. He treated me badly and my kids and I ended up in a abuse shelter. When I felt that I was healed I wrote something similar to him! Thanks for sharing! I love your words!!

    February 11, 2014 at 7:09 am Reply
  • Gem

    Amazing read. This post spoke directly to my heart,recalling memories of wrong relationships and decisions. Thank God for healing,second chances and a great future. I look forward to meeting the man for me. God bless the day we meet. Thanks Juli and to others who shared their stories. May God heal us all.

    February 11, 2014 at 2:30 pm Reply
  • Krystene Falk

    Thank you for this Juli. I’m glad you found what you deserved.

    February 11, 2014 at 3:06 pm Reply
  • Ashley O

    I’ve never thought about it this way but completely related to every word of your post. Thank you! I too dated “that” guy for years but am now married to an amazing man. Such great perspective.

    February 11, 2014 at 8:36 pm Reply
  • Tara

    Thanks Juli for sharing this!ü I also once dated a guy who always puts himself first, betrayed me and made many promises he can’t keep. After his betrayal, he asked me to marry him right away. I thank God for giving me the strength and courage to say no to his empty proposal. It was after I put God in charge of my love life, that He began unfolding His great plans for me. I am forever grateful to God for freeing me from the pain of the past. Now, I am soon to marry a real man who also is not “too cool” to pray for/with me. He is caring, funny, slow to anger and a follower of Christ.ü

    February 11, 2014 at 10:42 pm Reply
  • Mary Anderson

    I once “dated’ a ” man’ who lives in Scotland. He promised me n my kids the moon n stars. He even sent flowers to my mom before me to tell her what a wonderful daughter she had. He even flew over here without as much as seeing a pic of me first. The first words st the airport were ‘ you’re gorgeous” He had me from hello is so true. Problems eere he was an alcoholic although he never drank a drop when he was here.
    We were making plans to go to Disney world whrn he came back in a month. Then out of the blue (with me at work at that), he calls to tell me hrs never coming back. No explanation. I found out later he had been cheating all along n she finally got pregnant. Such a sorry excus for a ‘man’
    He did teach me not to blindly trust n that things are not always as y hey seem
    I did remarry however we dated for 2 years. He’s wonderful n everything I had asked for.

    February 12, 2014 at 6:33 am Reply
  • Nols

    Thank u for this post, and thank u to all the strong God fearing women and men who shared their strories of triumph. I recently got my heart broken on the 2nd day of the year, we were at the beach and while I was catering to his family he was kissing and fondling women just a few meters from me, I later found he was having a relationship with another woman it tore me up inside, I felt embarrassed and humiliated I felt stupid and to an extent like it was my fault for not dumping him sooner, this man has beaten me to a pulp time and time again and disrepected me in the most vile ways a man could ever disrespect a woman, I gave him everything brought him into my home introduced him to my family (which in African culture is a huge deal) when he was goin through a rough patch I supported him in every way even bought his broke ass underwear. I’m appalled at myself for allowing such ill treatment. He recently moved to another city to be with the woman he ment at the beach. I’m still very angry and I pray everyday for strength. The Lord is my Sheppard I shall not want.

    February 12, 2014 at 11:48 am Reply
  • Andrea

    Thank you for sharing this! I have a similar experience and reading this I felt your pain and emotions as I was brought back to those times but then I realized how blessed and better off I am now. I have so much to be thankful for. God knew what he was doing when he brought my ex into my life and he taught me to appreciate the wonderful man I have in my life now. I wouldn’t trade that for the world and I would go through the pain and heartache all over again just to be where I am now. God bless you!

    February 12, 2014 at 1:22 pm Reply
  • Kim

    after years of waiting for a married man to leave his wife . Every day filled with excuses. A true angel gentleman entered my life and im happier then i have ever been. We marry in aug.

    February 12, 2014 at 8:25 pm Reply
  • debbie johnson

    that was awesome!!!!!!!! my x bf needs this but really i dont think it would faze him!

    February 13, 2014 at 3:02 pm Reply
  • Mele

    As the many people who have replied to this Post – I, too would like to say Thank You – Though I know I am not ready to get to this Step (Still Too Emotional, Too Painful) You have given me HOPE…. that One Day, I will be able to profess one last goodbye with enough grace and humility as you did in this Letter… I’m past the point of nitpicking and going over every last wrong he did, which I’m happy about… but I have yet to master completely forgiving and letting go… Thank You Juli for providing the Baby Steps I need to Moving Forward 🙂

    February 14, 2014 at 10:02 am Reply
  • Haley

    Thank you for writing this. I just got my heart broken only 3 and a half weeks ago by what I thought was the love of my life, after 4 years of being together and he’s already sleeping with another girl. How the hell could he do that? I don’t understand it at all and I am devastated. But I do know and believe that I will find someone better who makes me happier than my ex ever did. We fought a lot and I felt like he had mistreated me often. I think that if he had never broken up with me then I never would have done it but I am thankful he did, I am now free to find someone else who thinks I’m a catch and who wants to show me off to his friends and family, not ignore me while he goes and does whatever the hell he wants. I’m hurting now, but I know everything will be okay. I will be happier in the end. He’s lost someone who loved him more than they loved themselves, and he doesn’t deserve that from me anymore.

    February 16, 2014 at 4:29 pm Reply
  • LoLee

    love this!!! I’m holding on to my faith as well.

    My faith has a pulse: What if a man wandered into my bedroom?

    Check out the latest!

    February 17, 2014 at 10:20 am Reply
  • Gabrielle

    I could relate so much for this blog l spent 2 years in a relationship that made me grow weary and tired, he was a cheater and an abuser often threatening me and hurting me, l still have a lot of anger, but l know God will help me heal and l pray to God that this anger goes away so the day l meet the man that will be part of my life l can look back and bless this man.

    February 17, 2014 at 7:40 pm Reply
  • Golden

    Ditto! Every “setback” was a “setup” for greater healing, for really knowing what God’s love is. I have to thank God for His grace – everything that the enemy intended for evil has now worked for my good! What a great destiny He has for me in each day filled with His love! 🙂 – thanks for sharing this and writing it so honestly!

    February 20, 2014 at 2:54 am Reply
  • Lorinda Buelow

    I said this very thing to my ex-husband once I had regained my center and my balance. I realized that I had grown so much from every pain, every strike against the rose colored glass I had boxed myself into, every scar… I couldn’t look back with regret because I had four beautiful children who would not be who they were without him and I would not be who I was had he not have hurt me as he had for 14 years. As much as his leaving hurt, left me confused, and felt as though my life was over, it was a blessing from God. I had grown too much spiritually and emotionally to stay confined in a relationship that demeaned me and kept me tied to who I was all those years ago at the age of 19 (when I got married). I couldn’t walk away, though. I was determined to sacrifice myself to have the 50 year anniversary my grandparents had. When my ex left, it was God showing me that I had a new chapter to begin, and just like a favorite outfit or blankie, it was time to let go of what had been and what I had wanted and do what God wanted me to do. I resolved to heal myself :to fix me and not worry about anyone else. I packed up myself and the kids, moved to another state to be near my mom, found a place to live, found a job, and then, found some friends. I was determined to not fall in love. It was over rated and I didn’t want to repeat history. The wounds were healing, but still a bit raw.

    Just as I thought I was in control again, God showed me otherwise! He placed in my path the most amazing man I have ever met in my life. I tried to fight it. I tried to be just friends and nothing more, but God kept placing speed bumps in the road that pushed us closer and closer together until I gave up and fell head over heels. We have been married for almost three months now. He is the best step-father I could ever ask for…in fact, I’d call him a father because he cares for my children more than their own father does. He parents with me instead of letting me do it all on my own, he runs the house with me instead of deciding that it is my place to care for the family’s needs on top of a full time job, he calls me “baby”, takes care of me if I’m sick, forces me to take care of myself instead of letting me put myself last, and talks WITH me not at me. He always has time for me and for us. This was put to the test last month when we miscarried. It crushed both of us, but we made it through and keep pushing through the bad habits we have learned from bad relationships.

    We both wonder what life would have been like if we had met each other first, before all the painful relationships and scars that we have accumulated. As much as I would like to think we would be blissfully happy and looking at a 15 year anniversary, I don’t think that would have happened. Every painful situation, every wound we sustained by being with the wrong person made us who we are today. We are a powerhouse. We can accomplish anything together as long as we continue to communicate, be honest with one another, and remember that at the end of the day, we have one another, our family, and God. I can imagine that it would all be the same, but honestly, without the pain I suffered, I could never imagine how amazing it is to be truly loved for who I am, flaws and all.

    February 24, 2014 at 11:46 am Reply
  • mysti

    This is so true!!! I thought I found the love of my life and for almost 4 years all we did everyday was fight through texts. I cried everyday alone in my room and lost contact with all my friends and family. I finally had the courage to say enough was enough and now I am the happiest I have ever been. I’m getting married next winter to my best friend and hero. I think every woman has to go through a really bad relationship to learn how to really appreciate and enjoy someone who does treat you right and loves you the way that you deserve to be loved.

    February 27, 2014 at 5:11 am Reply
  • Victoria / Justice Pirate

    This was cute. I agree so much! I recently met the wife of my middle school in-school boyfriend (we were together for a full year, but never went on an actual date at all and were more like friends but I truly was in love with him). It was so strange in a way because when her friend introduced me to her (and her friend I’ve known since middle school) she said, “This is ____’s wife!” I told her I was his friend in middle school but when I said my name I guess she pieced it together with his ex-list and said, “Did he break your heart? Do you want me to beat him up for you?” I said, “Well honestly, if it weren’t for him I would probably not have partially decided to switch schools, though there were many reasons for it, but he was a little bit of my reason. . .because when I switched schools I met my husband. I am glad ____ has your in his life and that you are married, so definitely don’t beat him up.” It was weird to me that she would want to beat up her husband for breaking my heart when you’d think she should be thankful it happened, as they met in college. I mean, I met my own husband a full 14 years ago now when I was a sophomore in high school at age 16 (it did take me a couple years to get through my middle school break up since I was 13 & 14 when we were together), so it was just so strange of a conversation. Your post reminded me of it all. I am truly thankful that I have my husband and didn’t end up with my middle school boyfriend instead. haha. My husband is my most treasured friend and a wonderful man of God.

    February 28, 2014 at 6:36 am Reply
  • Amber

    I just want to say thank you. This post reassured to me in some many ways. After a horrible break up from an awful relationship, I’m still dealing with things from it. He wasn’t who I thought he was- well who anyone thought he was. I knew God wanted someone better for me but I didn’t feel like I deserved it because of him. But I know I’m God’s princess and I deserve the best He has for me.

    March 5, 2014 at 12:47 pm Reply
  • pirategirl09

    Thank you. I just got out of a relationship, and he was absolutely horrible to me the last few months of it. I get better every day but moving on is so hard and there are times when i feel hopeless and doubt ill ever find someone else, but you are right. he got me one step closer to being ready for my future man

    April 21, 2014 at 9:10 pm Reply
  • Tashiana St. Aude

    Recently, I have just broken up with my boyfriend. He was a great guy, and he had a plan for our future, but he wasn’t willing to wait for me. He wanted to get married too soon, and I wasn’t ready. He got upset and wanted to leave when I told him. I tried to make myself be ready, so he wouldn’t leave, but I couldn’t take it anymore. Through all of this I caused him lots of pain, and I kept getting hurt. I’ve been so frustrated and numb over the past couple of months about the situation. I wish we could have made it better, but I guess my life is carrying on without him. I know I will look back someday and be grateful. So far, I have to say I’ve never felt closer to God then I do now.

    May 13, 2014 at 11:29 am Reply
  • Joann

    Thank you for putting into words the positive thoughts of forgiveness and freedom. I’ve only dated one person before and he ruined me which is why I haven’t dated since. It was so hard to feel all the pain and to have been made a fool by him after I gave him almost everything. But you are such a bright shinning example. Your post quieted the last few bitter roots of anger and hunger for revenge. Your example convicted me because I need to forgive my ex so I can move forward.

    August 3, 2014 at 8:51 pm Reply
  • Lexi

    This helped me so much

    November 20, 2014 at 6:26 pm Reply
  • Rachel

    From one girl to another, thank you for sharing this. Our stories are similar, though my breakup happened only four months ago. He proved to be a coward, liar, deceptive, and manipulative.. And didn’t have the guts to respect my father. Your letter gives me hope, and I know that God will bring a man into my life that will truly love me for who I am.

    January 16, 2015 at 5:05 pm Reply
  • Amanda

    Thank you.I felt like I was reading my own words. God gave me such an amazing husband 4 years after I left my not so nice boyfriend. I enjoyed those years being single and it made me truly pray and forgive and be open to whatever He had for me. I truly appreciate everything my husband does because of the bad experiences. He made me see how a woman is supposed to be treated.

    February 17, 2015 at 8:20 am Reply
  • Cherie

    I feel the same way. I was married to an abusive man. He moved me to another state. I had no contact with family or friends. I almost became homeless because that was a better option than being with him. I was put through hell and am still suffering from his actions until this day. I’m still young, in my mid twenties. I would never want to be in that position again. But I learned from it and became a better person because of it. I know the importance of family. I know humility. I’ve seen homeless people on the street and I buy them food or a hot beverage just to keep warm. Because I know how that hauntingly loneliness feels or what it feels like to have absolutely nothing. I’m in a better relationship now and I know what I don’t want. And this man now treats me so much better. I don’t think I could appreciate him the way that I do if it hadn’t been for my ex. It was horrible. I hated every minute of it. But I’ve grown, I’ve learned and I’m a better person because of it.

    February 20, 2015 at 9:14 pm Reply
  • Maria

    Hi Juli…..Im about to leave the relationship Im in right now. Hes taking me for granted and a dozen more unpleasant things. He doesnt treat me right so I pray God to give me the strenght when the time to leave the apartament comes. I loved him with my soul but I cant take this anymore….is killing me…:'(. Im so happy for you. God bless!!!

    February 23, 2015 at 2:45 am Reply
  • Raelyn

    The words I couldn’t find, and here they are. Thank you!

    February 26, 2015 at 6:19 pm Reply
  • linda

    Im going through the worst breakup now and don’t know how I am going to survive it. This letter is one I hope to write in the future. Now, I am suffering.

    March 20, 2015 at 4:44 pm Reply
    • Lady M

      Praying for you!

      March 21, 2015 at 4:44 pm Reply
  • Mishele

    I’m going through heartbreak now and it’s so hard at he moment but I know God is going to work it out for his good. I will trust in Him even though I’m hurting now. I just wish at times I didn’t feel this pain because it’s hard to go through it. I know that it will work out in the end but I just don’t know it’s just hard right now. It’s hard because I still want to talk to him and I want him back in my life but I know that will lead me to more pain and the pain I feel I will give to God and wait. I will wait in this valley because I know the when I reach the top of the mountain I’ll look down and see where I was and how God brought me through.

    March 23, 2015 at 8:47 am Reply
    • Daniela Anza

      I’m going right now for a hard time with my ex-boyfriend, you passed the same as me, please let me know how I get rid of this pain, is killing me

      May 28, 2015 at 7:59 pm Reply
  • jane

    Thank you. I really needed to read this today. I am sitting here thinking about my marriage to a man who is verbally abusive. Concidering ending the marriage and feeling like a failure. I know I deserve better and was still making excuses. Your beautifully written letter reminded me it is not my failure to move on. Thank you. May God bless you.

    March 25, 2015 at 10:38 am Reply
  • Peabody

    It has been our blessing to have walked several years with a friend as she extricated herself from a “man of the cloth” who has abused her and calculatedly planned all along so she would be blamed for the divorce, shunned by the children, brought to destitution, and very nearly had her soul murdered. But I have to encourage you that there ARE wonderful men. We were both nearly 30 when God brought us together. A child of divorce he was adamant about our marriage being healthy and submitting himself to God as he becomes more like Jesus in his Christian walk, and thus an even better husband due to his love for Jesus and me. Strong, but not controlling, he is the exact opposite of my friend’s now ex. She has thanked us over and over for walking with her and showing her what a loving, healthy partnership marriage can be. For showing her how a woman is supposed to be, and should expect to be, treated by her husband and children. Like many here, she now prayerfully waits on the Lord to bring the right man into her life, one that isn’t a malignant narcissistic sociopath. What I wanted to relate here is do not lose heart! There are hurts that only Jesus can heal and He WANTS to. One of my favorite quotes is by Maya Angelou “A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.” So true. May the love of God heal you precious ones commenting here who have not been treated with the care you deserve!

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    April 4, 2015 at 4:46 pm Reply
  • zulie

    I can definitely relate to this. I went through such a bad heart break . I was with my ex for 4 years and 5 months and boy did I love him with every single inch of my heart and soul. I won’t lie, he did make me happy at some point in my life and he was all I ever wanted. Now that i think about it sometimes I see how selfish he really was but i was always blinded by the deep love I had for him. It wasn’t till October of last year that I found out he had been lying to me since day 1. I went through so much for this so called “man”, put in so much effort and invested so much in him so that he could just break my heart the way he did. He cheated on me and never told me he had a daughter. And I found out both things on the same day. I couldn’t believe it, the pain I felt was immensely painful. The worst part was that a month before this I had given up on my baby because I was stupid enough to listen to him when he said that we weren’t ready . That’s my worst regret and I’m living with it everyday. I wanted to disappear . I couldn’t find answers as to why he did that if he knew all I ever did was give my all to him. How did he have the audacity to be with me for four years knowing everyday was a lie and seeing how much I loved him? How can someone be so cruel ? It’s so true that you find out more about the person you’re with at the end of a relationship than at the beginning. I don’t hate him I could never hate the person I have loved with all my heart, it upsets me to know the kind of human being that he is but I have learned to let go and accept what happened. I know what it’s like to feel broken and empty but this experience has made me so much stronger and for that I am so very greatful as well. It is great to know that women are so much stronger though and instead of staying down we come back 100 times stronger. Thank you for sharing!

    April 14, 2015 at 9:12 am Reply
  • Haley

    i just have to say, that was perfect in every way! im going through the same thing right now, and i can honestly say reading that letter made me look at things differently.

    April 20, 2015 at 11:06 pm Reply
  • judywrites

    Thank you, Juli! My best friend could relate to this.

    April 22, 2015 at 8:37 am Reply
  • Lori Hil

    Beautifully written. I am so happy you got your wonderful man. Thanks for sharing.

    April 22, 2015 at 5:36 pm Reply
  • Maddie

    I cannot wait to feel this. Right now I’m a teenager and my ex boyfriend just broke up with me about a month ago (2 weeks before prom) (through a text message) after a year of dating. We had been best friends for years and he knew I wanted to wait until marraige (that actually never became an issue) (he was very respectful of that) but he was never respectful of my heart. While I was begging and pleading every moment for my parents to let me hang out with him, he said well I don’t really want to ask them because they already had to take me somewhere earlier today. (His parents are extremely nice and probably wouldn’t have minded at all) and just like you said 2 hours before a date “sorry I can’t come my brother offered to go to a movie with me and I kinda wanna hang out with him right now (his brother lives at home and they see eachother all the time) and on New Year’s Eve when our friend said sorry I can’t have the party after all, I said hey we can hang out just me and you? And he responded with “well I didn’t ask my parents about that and also I got invited to my other friends party so I’m guna go, it’s all guys though.” Time and time again I got hurt because of this over the year but he had been my BESTFRIEND, he made me laugh all the time, we had so much fun together so why did he not make me a priority? I will never understand, but when I do find the right guy, I will know that I am getting 100%, that every bit of effort I’m putting in is totally worth it, and I will be SOO happy!!

    May 2, 2015 at 8:39 pm Reply
  • Daniela Anza

    I’m only a teenager, but recently the one who was my boyfriend just broke my heart, it was my first love and my first everything. He didn’t care at all when he leave me, he took all of me and leave me with nothing, just full of lies and promeses he is regretting. But I think I deserve better, I notice in myself how much I can love a person. I don’t hate him, even when he said to me all thoose awful things. I think that this is an experience of love. I love to be in love, but I need to choose the right person.

    May 28, 2015 at 7:51 pm Reply
    • Shade Wever

      Hi dear,
      I know exactly what you’re saying. And I understand you completely. Cause I’m the same. I love really hard, and fast, and also the wrong person. I’m not a teenager anymore, but I’m still young. (24) And I’ve been stepped on, lied to, beat up, etc. But the good thing you think of is that You deserve better. We women, do deserve better. God said that a woman should be treated like a diamond, carefully and gently. Cause we are the ones who are more emotionally and vulnerable. And the men should treat us this way. And one thing I’ve learned is, that, God plans our lives for Us. Not ourselves. We may think so, but he manages everything. We don’t see it, but He does. And His time is perfect. So here’s a piece of advice, take your time, live your life happy. If you meet a guy, don’t love fast, like him of course. But don’t give your trust away too easily. Cause sometimes when a guy/man sees how you given up your trust to them, they seek a way to hurt you then. Just wait on God’s time, He will send the one who is perfect for you and who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. You are so young, and so much to learn yet. Just give it time. Your Prince Charming will come to you when the time is Right.

      God Bless You. 🙂

      June 25, 2015 at 9:00 am Reply
  • Sarah

    Wow! That is so helpful thanks so much and all that is so true! Recently just broke off a relationship that sounded exactly like the One you described! ☺

    May 30, 2015 at 10:07 pm Reply
  • Shade Wever

    Wow!! This letter even brought tears to my eyes… and I’ve been recently going through this with my now-ex-boyfriend. It’s hard to think that I could’ve let someone hurt me this way, physically and mentally. And I’m still so young and already a mother of two boys. (he’s not the father) I’m in so much pain right now. I can’t take it. What he did to me was two nights ago.. My body aches, all bruised. It’s just all too hard to handle….But I have My Faith in GOD and He will make me better in time. I know. But for now, I’m all broken inside and out.

    Thank you tho, for writing your letter and making it public.

    June 25, 2015 at 8:53 am Reply
  • Denise

    I really needed to read this. I just had my heartbroken for the very first time. It is very hard because I never thought anyone could treat another person so poorly. It’s hard getting over because I had waited so long to just have a boyfriend, and I was stabbed in the back. I realized after the relationship ended how naive and blinded I was. I realized that this person did not respect me or my morals. And he is just a downright mean person. He is a very selfish person and the most delusional person I’ve ever met. I realized how important my morals are and that a REAL man who is worthy of my time will respect me in EVERY way. So even though I am reading this post a year later it is still very helpful and I’m so glad that I stumbled upon this post while I was on pinterest.

    June 25, 2015 at 9:01 pm Reply
  • Anna Dominique Daen

    Sometimes, I really believe in Benjamin Franklin’s quote those-things-that-hurt-instruct. When something or someone inflicted pain intentionally or unintentionally, it will mark like those stars in the Hollywood’s walk of fame. But once you realize the lesson that God wants you to learn, you’ll smile and will be grateful for it. <3 🙂

    June 30, 2015 at 5:20 am Reply
  • Carolina

    Hey, it’s incredible how huge is this “relashionship learning thing” and how good you may feel for just loving yourself. Well, I’m a young girl who is feeling so heartbreak in the moment. Your letter did helped me and I wish I know how to hide myself from these hole that is loving someone who doesn’t deserve me. Even getting so long, I’m still into him and every single memory breaks me off. I just can’t understand how people can get along with feelings and hurt someone. People should love each other and not to hate. I wish him so well even knowing that he doesn’t feel the same. My faith in love maybe is gone and I know I’m not going to fall in love so soon. My heart is not ready and there is some pieces to fix. But I feel better knowing that you got a real man that loves you and it makes me believe that love still exist in this world.

    July 5, 2015 at 10:48 pm Reply
  • Charlene

    Juli, I found this post through pinterest and right now I am broken inside. I recently discovered my ex fiance cheating and today July 11, 2015 it was proven when I caught his relationship status on Facebook. It destroyed me. I have been a mess all day. I am not hurt over the relationship ending I am pissed off over the fact he cheated and lied. He lied a lot of times to me and my family. I feel like a freaking idiot and am suffering from a nasty depression and also extreme anger and hatred.

    I hope that you read this and can give me more inspiration. I pray that I can work through the pain and find the person that I am meant to be with. I pray that I can eventually send a letter just like this to him and the bimbo he cheated on me with. I am a mess inside and out.

    July 11, 2015 at 10:13 pm Reply
  • Joy

    I can’t even begin to comment on how many parts of my life this letter has touched. I’m emotional right now over this subject and contents of this letter. Solely because I loved it as well. I was abused and throw away like a cheap toy. Used and just mistreated in all ways and this letter reassures me that God will use those experiences and make me new. Anyone new. It takes one and prayer. It’s beautiful. I don’t know what else to say. I wanna cry so bad but I don’t wanna lose control and not stop crying.

    July 19, 2015 at 11:31 am Reply
    • Joy

      ****Soley because I “lived” it****

      July 19, 2015 at 11:32 am Reply
  • Augusta

    Never was good with English or spelling. But with my pain I managed to write a book. Living inside his closet. My husband turned out bisexual. He apologized over a and over followed by a honeymoon period followed by more lies. I just tried to see the best in him. For better for worse. There were times we had vey little but there was time when we had much . For richer or poorer. All this and I talked to God as it says in the bible if he wants to leave let him, but he didn’t so I stayed an prayed stayed and was living for God . Don’t know why I had a nervous break Down . My husband says he don’t remember what hajppened. Anyway I lost my career I was so into. But I did not loose my Jesus. He was my real husband. Well next month is our 45 th anniversary . Now we are at the till death did do we part. Im63 he’s 65. With all the stress in my life . I’ve gone through breast and. Colon cancer osteoarthritis and to many illnesses and diseases. Jon he’s always been healthy. He don’t know how to deal with my aging so fast. My dependence in him is great. . I walk with a walker can’t do much. In constant pain in my body. Waiting for a MRI to return to find out why I can’t walk well and in so much pain. I ache deep inside my body. It hurts to bad all the time. I can’t sleep. Because of pain and RLS. No one seems to know. I’m going to see if I can get home health to help me cause Jon is not a care taker or sympathetic . The months I was in the nursing homes he came in to gather my laundry then left. We are like two ships passing in the seas. He don’t sit with me to eat . He don’t converse with me.. Yet other people he does. I feel rejected and lost. My grown daughters support Thier dad. I have to rely on friends for company and friendship. 2 years ago I went on vacation with my friend as we have not had a vacation in years. No money. I lost my house my car my life. Anyway life goes on. Around me with my grandchildren who are lifesavers. Ages 7,16,16,22.

    July 25, 2015 at 1:35 am Reply
  • khouloud (@khouloudlife)

    knowing that you’re, not only not a priority, but also you don’t have a place in his life, that kills, waiting for month for him to just find a minute to see me though I’m 15 minutes away from his place! excuses and broken promises! if I’m wondering why am I still with him!

    August 3, 2015 at 12:23 pm Reply
  • Jordan Putman

    I too experienced the heartbreak of a guy I thought I would marry. In fact, we were engaged. I am so thankful now for the lessons I learned while in that relationship because it taught me to truly value the amazing qualities in my new boyfriend. I do believe that one day we will get married and I am so thankful for the opportunity to love him unconditionally. My story is at and it would be amazing if you checked it out.

    August 3, 2015 at 2:37 pm Reply
  • yvonne

    I love it! 😘

    August 7, 2015 at 8:41 am Reply
  • Norah

    Touching. I will remember them. Thank you Juli

    August 10, 2015 at 6:25 pm Reply
  • Ngodoo Ikyo

    Thank you so much for writing this. It just dispelled all the anger I have been feeling towards all the men that hurt me. I know God is doing a good work in me and I choose to wait on Him

    August 19, 2015 at 12:01 am Reply
  • M. Harrison

    Awesome read! Love it. Heartbreak is never an easy thing to go though but everything happens for a reason and God always has something better in store.

    September 6, 2015 at 7:34 am Reply
  • Ana

    Hopefully one day I will get to feel like that :/ thanks for once again inspiring me. Still praying to leave him behind

    September 19, 2015 at 4:01 pm Reply
  • Annalise

    Thank you so much for this. I recently went through a broken engagement. It all came about by discovering he was being unfaithful to me behind my back after 7 years of being together. I have learned so much from all the pain he put me through and from all the shattered dreams. I am looking forward to finding the man that God has for me and am excited to love him with my whole heart and know that I will be loved back the same way. Through this experience I am able to look at myself differently and was able to find an inner strength I never knew I had! I am no longer bitter about the way I was treated but am thankful that I have amazing things ahead to look forward to! Thank you for sharing this.

    October 7, 2015 at 1:04 pm Reply
  • Krystal Begay

    aww this blog was so real and touching. I’ve also dated a guy for 5 years, two kids and we were never a priority to him. I remember every broken promise, all the times he cheated and when he left us after 2 moths of being pregnant with baby #2. 6 months later and I’m also dealing with so many unspoken words I wish I could say to him, but I look on the bright side and I’m thankful I got my kids out of that terrible relationship. This post gives me hope that there are better men out there.

    November 4, 2015 at 12:09 am Reply
  • Dave

    Juli, Beautifully worded. I am a guy that can relate to both sides of that letter. I deserved that letter from my high school sweetheart. Many, many regrets from that relationship. Lots of things I wish I could erase and redo to this day. Sadly in life, once done, our actions cannot be undone and we can only hope to learn from our mistakes. I know she’s now married and lives not far from me but I hesitate to contact her as I hope she’s recovered and moved on with her life and has forgotten about me. She had issues of her own to deal with and she sure didn’t need or deserve having me add to that. I thought I had learned my lesson when I met my wife. We dated for many years, took things slow, I wanted to get to know her from the inside (heart and mind) out, not just have a sex based relationship that would only fail since we never got to know each other. She had an accident prior to the two of us knowing each other and she was on pretty heavy medication which didn’t please me but I couldn’t feel the pain she felt so I accepted it as part of the package. After 10 years of dating, we married. Didn’t take long for things to slide backwards. Things we discussed ( prior to getting married ) that may be challenging when moving out on our own as a couple became huge road blocks. We couldn’t come to a common ground on just about any issue that arose. The stress and tension from constant arguments over day to day life took its toll on both of us. Add to that her increasing dependence on higher and higher doses of prescription narcotics which became yet another sticking point, not to mention the drugs really affecting her ability to function in any capacity. I admit to losing my patience with her, never took it out on her physically, but we sure did more than our share of arguing that’s for sure! I should have divorced her a long time ago but I thought somehow we’d work it out. We drifted farther apart to the point she more or less moved out, been gone 8 months now. During the last ten years, I took the increasing hatred I felt towards my wife and applied it to all women in general, thought they were all pretty much useless. Last fall, I was awakened from that nightmare and have since made many changes in my life. I met a series of very down to earth women, some married, some single, all of them know my situation and the fact that I’m married. I’m not looking for a physical relationship at all, I want to be a part of their lives as a friend only. I want to be a positive influence to them as they have been a positive influence to me and have helped me recover. Each woman has brought her own contribution to my situation. One in particular has been key to convincing me to get right with God. Since getting back to attending church and reading the Bible on a fairly regular basis, I have a feeling of peace and my attitude has greatly changed for the better. I don’t hate my wife anymore, I’m glad she did it her way and taught me yet another lesson in life. I wish her the best in life, I hope that someday she gets right with God. I hope she can overcome her demon of drug addiction, such a nasty affliction. Not all guys are bad, nor are all women bad. We all have our weaknesses and faults, not one of us is perfect. At some point, in the time I have remaining on earth, after my status returns to ‘single’, I want to know the joy of wrapping my arms around a good woman and going to bed with her. Having her be the last thing I saw the night before and the first thing I see the following morning. I want to share my life with a woman that wants to share her life with me. One final parting thought. To anyone that reads this and has been through a nasty relationship, whether you’re male or female. Forgive that person for all that they have done to you. Not for them, do it for you. So you can close that chapter of your life and move on. Don’t look back, just move forward and move on. Open your heart and mind to God and He will show you the way.

    November 4, 2015 at 6:13 pm Reply
  • Tam

    I stumbled across this page when looking for some words to heal my broken heart. I was not married, but I had been in love with someone for 6 years. 6 years….throughout this time he was not the nicest to me, but I hung on under the guise of loyalty, faithfulness, and love. He refused to commit to me and title our union. I protested but stayed. He was on/off and in/out of my life. I clung to his presence every time he showed up. He left me with cliffhangers of I love yous. I never thought we’d get married but I also never saw us apart…6 years has to be worth something, right? Well this weekend I found out he’s in love with someone else. He looked me in the eye and told me “she’s the one.” The pain ran so deep that I couldn’t even muster up a tear until the shock wore off. He basically told me that everything I ever wanted from him, everything I thought I deserved-that he couldn’t give me-he gave to someone else in a matter of weeks. He dismissed me and our 6 year history like I was a one night stand. It is absolutely painful and I’m not able to focus. This blog gave me hope. The stories of the other people help as well. I am struggling but I’m trying to believe that God shows up right on time, when I’m too weak to walk away myself. I’m trying to believe there’s a purpose in this. Thank you.

    November 5, 2015 at 9:58 pm Reply
  • Joan

    Dear Juli,
    I wanted to say thank you, for this post. I have fallen in love with a friend, and the love is unrequited. It hurts a lot, but i learned a lot. How a guy treats a lady and how i deserve to be treated like a lady. and those guys do still exist. how he was willing to walk me home every night so i wouldn’t have to walk alone. always there when i need the most help with my academics, or just being there. How we both had such immense faith in God, and were not afraid to show it. granted he wasn’t perfect but he was perfect for me, or so i thought. an incident occurred that left me wondering did i deserve better.but after realizing his actions spoke better than that slip. i forgave him. But my feelings have been reserved even more.
    After reading this, i realize the things i looked for in a man wasn’t silly or outdated. How i have hope of finding someone like him, or someone suited better for me. I cant say better than him, because in full honestly he was a gentleman and i envy the woman he marries. but for now, i will continue and put my faith in God. As long as i dance with him he will allow the right man to intervene. How I need to cling to God and put my faith in him, and he will find the right guy for me.

    November 16, 2015 at 7:15 am Reply
  • Ara

    I spent 11 months in a relationship with a guy who I let get away with so much because I blindly thought I could love him for these flaws. Every argument was over something stupid, and I was always the one in the wrong. If I didn’t reply to a text in ten minutes because a friend was over or helping my brother with homework, he would be so angry with me that he would start cursing at me, calling me “bitch,” “stupid,” “jackass,” and God only knows what else. I allowed him to control my life, and stopped doing the things I enjoyed because he didn’t like it (getting excited over my favorite movies or actors for instance). I endured months of this and not once did I use the same kind of language or insults he threw at me. When our relationship ended, it was because he had developed feelings for his ex again, and because he was tired of dealing with me and my parents. He and his ex started dating a week later. He would always tell me that we would be together forever, and I was naive enough to believe it. Although I can never forgive him for making me afraid to get into a new relationship, I would not change my decision to date him. Had I not, I never would have learned what kind of treatment NOT to take and what kind of guys I should look for. Reading this post reminded me that I’m grateful for the lessons I’ve learned from this relationship, and that one day I will find someone who will treat me right. I am a much stronger and happier person now, even though I’m wary about trusting a guy with my heart one day, but sometimes it takes a bad experience to make you appreciate all of life’s gifts.

    November 21, 2015 at 1:01 pm Reply
  • Nicole

    Thank you for sharing this. I recently went through an emotionally devastating relationship with a guy that lied to me about who he was and the life he lived for over a year, and looking back on it, the relationship was terrible to say the least. But posts like this give me just the slightest amount of hope that one day I won’t have to feel this pain anymore and that the experience of that relationship will be a lesson in my future that will bless me with guidance and caution so I will never have to feel this pain again. I really hope that’s true for me, like it was for you.

    December 20, 2015 at 4:46 pm Reply
  • Carol

    Wow, I needed this. At age 17, I am currently experiancing my first heart break from a guy I’ve had a false image of for the past two years. I wanted to believe he was good and meant well but after being let down and disappointed for so long, I was exhausted. This has given me a reminder that God is bigger than any disappointments I may receive and all I have to do is simply trust his will. I’m glad I made the decision to scroll through Pinterest and click on this post and read it, because right now, I need hope. Thank you.

    January 5, 2016 at 6:18 pm Reply
  • Maria Sierra

    Wow!!! I shared this a few years ago!! I just saw this on my Facebook memories to look back at.. And it just brought me to tears I am happily married now with the man of my dreams and with a happy healthy baby boy.. And I couldn’t be any happier..

    February 8, 2016 at 10:20 pm Reply
  • barbarabrutt

    Isn’t it odd how you wrote this back in 2014 and yet it’s still receiving comments? Thank you for writing this. It’s good for me to read something like this that can give me such good perspective when I’m still in the midst of the whys and the hurt. I hope one day to be able to echo this letter.

    February 10, 2016 at 2:38 am Reply
    • Dave

      Hang in there. The healing process has no set time table. The feelings of hurt, anger, bitterness, resentment, maybe betrayal, will all subside someday. The questions of ‘why me?’ or ‘what could I have done differently?’, will be answered someday. This still gets responses a couple years down the road because it’s beautifully written. In my case, it took years to come around. What helped was time alone to reflect on where I needed to improve based on my own assessment, not someone else’s assessment. I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior and let my life in God’s hands. You’re not alone, and brighter days are in store, it won’t rain forever. When your write the next chapter of your life, you’ll see it all had a meaning, even though it hurts now, you’ll be stronger for it someday. Take care and good luck.

      February 16, 2016 at 7:16 pm Reply
      • barbarabrutt

        Dave, thanks for taking the time to reply. It’s amazing what a few weeks can do, but the process has been almost 6+ months. And Jesus Christ has definitely been the leading factor in the healing. But I’m so grateful to my community that has told me that “The healing process has no set time table.” I’m always so eager to be fixed already.
        Thanks again for your thoughts and encouragements!

        April 4, 2016 at 8:24 am Reply
  • Billy

    Wow…this is amazing… Thank you for writing this. xD

    February 12, 2016 at 7:00 pm Reply
  • Thobi Ntuli

    Wow, this happened to me in 2015 after the guy I cherished lost the Queen of his life. Really it was challenging and straining but I was there through it all. Thereafter he saw how tired and weary he was to be treated well and accommodated he began loosing the plot and ill-treating me. As new as the scars may be…eventually I will have the courage to tell him how grateful I am for his departure.

    February 29, 2016 at 9:50 pm Reply

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