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How To Deal When You’ve Been Crush-ed

Crush. That’s a word I remember from way back in my elementary school days. “Juli and so-and-so sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g…” Sound familiar? From the time we’re little, most of us develop a “crush” on someone who strikes our fancy. Thoughts of them continually fill our minds, notebooks and conversations with our friends. It can be fun and exciting, but it can also be agonizing at times. Thoughts like, “He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me…not?”

Run through our minds. We go back and forth pondering the possibilities, mustering up the courage to say hello and we down right just obsessing over this person. Completely, totally, absolutely, without a doubt just plain CRUSHING from the time we wake up until we lay our heads down to “hopefully dream about so-and-so because then, maybe its like, a sign, and we’re going to totally get married, and have kids, and 3 dogs, and oh my gosh I hope my kids have blue eyes, and…” You get the picture. You’ve probably been there. CRUSHED.  Breathe in and rest easy. You’re definitely not alone.

I don’t remember who the 1st guy I ever had a crush on was, but I do remember one in particular from my older years in high school. My friends all knew I was interested in him. His friends all knew. Before long, I found out that he was interested in me too, and we started talking for a while. I quickly developed this fear of becoming uninteresting to him, so I tried to be the kind of girl I THOUGHT he wanted. I started taking interests in the sports he liked (Me? Sports? Yeah. Right. C’mon!), the passions he had, places he liked to go, and even the (horrible, screeching) music he liked. I wanted to be everything I thought he would want me to be. Something funny happened when I started to do that, though. He immediately STOPPED being interested in me. Like, completely. Over it. Goodbye. It was fun while it lasted…I guess.

“Um…I’m confused here, crush. I’m exactly like you now. How could you NOT be interested in me anymore?”

It turns out that he wasn’t looking for a carbon copy of himself, he was looking for a WOMAN to adventure through life with. He didn’t need another buddy to hangout with, he just wanted a lady to take out. He didn’t want someone to he share an iTunes account with, he needed someone who walked to a tune that was all her own, a sweet sound he couldn’t hear anywhere else.

I learned a valuable lesson from that time I was crush-ed. I learned that it’s always okay to be 100% me. Always. The most impressive quality any of us can have is the ability to be ourselves in a world that is constantly telling us how to look, what to buy and ultimately, who to be. I also learned that just because you make someone everything to you, doesn’t necessarily mean they won’t treat you as if you’re nothing to them. It happens. A lot. The only One who deserves to be everything to you, and frankly, can even HANDLE being everything to you is God. He tells you your beautiful, is always willing to listen and allows you to come meet him as you are – not as everyone else thinks you should be.

I’m not here to tell you that it’s wrong to have a crush. It’s not. It’s natural, it’s normal, it’s going to happen. I am here to remind you to keep God first, be true to yourself and find someone who does that, too. Set your focus on Christ, aim to do HIS will and enjoy all of the wonderful blessings He pours into your life.

Love and hugs,

Juli Wilson


What are your thoughts? Leave a comment below.

Julianne Wilson

Striving to make the world a little brighter.

  • anonymous

    wow, that is very true. I have friends who have been crushed and are bieng crushed, and on my first and only so far i was crushed. Thankyou soo much Juli

    March 8, 2014 at 11:30 am Reply
  • JD

    Great writing Juli. As a man, I can say that this is so true for both sexes to remember. God made us beautifully unique and special. We all need to “stay in our lane” or risk being someone we were not even created to be.

    March 8, 2014 at 12:59 pm Reply
  • Sharon Siahaan

    I’m so loving this! I’ve been pondering about crush-ed stuffs, how my university time could change just because of this, about mine and his parents especially about His right time. I even wrote a post about crush stuffs on my blog since I was crush-ed (just a few weeks ago) then found my friendship with him were no longer in good situation, it was awkward. Or I still find it awkward now. I’m so grateful to came across yours and your husband’s blog. I’ve been learning a lot about love, life and His will. Cheers Juli!

    March 8, 2014 at 5:01 pm Reply
  • Kaylee

    Thank you…..

    March 8, 2014 at 5:41 pm Reply
  • Cadence

    Hello, I followed you on Instagram and have been going through a heartache for QUITE some time! Thank you for the reminder! I can be myself? Why not? Jesus thinks I’m pretty cool, as the apple of his eye, he died for ME! This was the perfect timing. Thank you. So so so much!

    March 8, 2014 at 6:08 pm Reply
  • Rindra Rt

    Thank you Juli for reminding me this. I kinda get so focused ‘any other’ way thinking that I’m focused on God that I just needed to stop here and think about Him only 🙂

    March 9, 2014 at 12:39 am Reply
  • Stacia Mia (staciamia)

    Beautiful words! This post was exactly what I needed, you’re the best juls!

    March 9, 2014 at 5:23 am Reply
  • Jashaél

    Lovely post! <3

    March 9, 2014 at 7:05 am Reply
  • EU

    Thank u juli! Its awesome! Staying focused on Jesus who deserves all of our hearts! I’ve always thought that I need to be someone my crush would love but truth is, God wants me to be myself. He wants me to be true to myself and be who He created me to be and eventually I believe that special someone will also love me for who I am. 🙂
    Be blessed!

    May 22, 2014 at 7:31 am Reply
  • Marina

    This was amazing and well written. Thank you for the encouragement, it was needed! I am learning to love myself and regain the identity I have in Christ. I am so thankful for His mercies and grace. God is good!

    March 22, 2015 at 6:07 pm Reply
  • ihavefoundagreaterlove

    I love this so much. If I only had read this and really soaked it in before it happened but sometimes like in your experience life’s greatest teachers are through experience. Thank you for sharing and reminding me that God is the only one who can handle and truly deserves EVERYTHING.

    March 24, 2015 at 7:58 am Reply
  • Naomi

    This happened to me. I started liking this great guy, and I believe it was a healthy liking. I respected him and admired him and I wanted to be a better person for him. What’s more, he was a Christian. And it gave me hope to like him, you know? Because I could picture things in my life turning out ok, as much as I knew relationships are not the answer to everything.
    And then I found out from a conversation accidentally overheard that he likes another girl and they are going out. And all this time I thought I wasn’t silly or pathetic, but I still think about him, or when I know I will see him I think extra hard over what I will wear. And I don’t think this is healthy or right. But how can I stop myself thinking about him?

    August 12, 2015 at 3:53 am Reply

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