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The Path To Parenthood

Once upon a time I decided to share some of the pages of my life that were hard to write. The one’s I tried so hard to cover up. I told you about the adoption process my husband and I embarked on, and how the birth mother ending up keeping that sweet baby boy that we so loved and cared for. I told you about the aching, unanswered question of “why” that constantly filled my mind. The pain that filled our hearts that beated with the hope of being parents, and lastly, I told you about the faithfulness of the Lord EVEN IN the confusing, heart wrenching, dark moments of my life.

Those pages were a part of the greater story, as hard as they were, and I just can’t help but share what happened next. Shortly after the adoption process ended, Jarrid and I prayed about trying to have children. We both had a peace about becoming parents, and were beyond excited to dream, plan and wait for the day that we would have a positive pregnancy test.

Hours passed. Days passed. Months passed. After dozens of negative pregnancy test and nights of endless sobbing, I decided it was time to talk to my doctor about trying to conceive. She told me a few reasons that it would be extremely difficult for me to become pregnant, but figured there wasn’t any hurt in trying. We tried again, and again, and again. Nothing changed – except my heart, that is. It became hardened, cynical, angry and deeply saddened.

After months and months of trying, my doctor decided to put me on some medication that might combat issues I was having and increase the chances of us becoming parents naturally. For the first time in a long time, I was filled with hope, excitement and joy at the possibility and thought of becoming a mommy. I just knew it was finally my moment. Surely God wouldn’t dangle this desire in front of my f ace, only to snatch it away. Never, not a loving, giving, all powerful God. What happened next blew my mind and shattered my heart.

“Mrs. Wilson, I hate to be the one to tell you this…but if you want to have a baby, you may want to look into getting some fertility treatments. There really isn’t anything else I can do for you. At this point, I’m afraid it’s going to be nearly impossible for you to become pregnant naturally.” These are the words my doctor spoke to me.  The words that scarred my soul. The words I threw at God’s face in anger.

Contrary to what I wanted to believe, life doesn’t always get instantly better after it has been bad – sometimes it gets worse so we can learn to appreciate the best when it comes. When God decides to give it. That’s what He was teaching me, although I couldn’t see past my circumstances to notice it at the time.

It was in that moment of weakness that the Lord got ahold of my heart again and began to ask me some tough questions:

“What do you want most in life, Juli? Is it me, or is it a child?”

“Do you trust me, Juli? Or do you only believe what your doctor is saying?”

“Have I ever failed you, Juli? Am I enough for you?”

Over the next few months, my focus shifted off the desire to become a mama as I dove head first into scripture to learn more about the Lord. I came to know His goodness. Seasons started to change, and my heart went right along with them – everything was fresh, bright and lively again. My passion was back. The desire to be a mother didn’t go away, but it did take the back seat to my desire to become a closer daughter of the King. I became a child of faith again instead of obsessing so tirelessly after having one of my own.

Fast forward a few months. I started feeling a little “off” – tired all of the time, moody, nauseated. Could it be? But we haven’t even tried fertility treatments. We haven’t seen another doctor. The old me became filled with fear, afraid to add another negative test to the bag of pregnancy tests I had hidden from my husband for so long. Then it happened, a sweet peace came over me – one that can’t be described, that only comes from above. I knew the Lord had blessed us with a baby, and for the first time, that little test showed two blue lines. Tears filled my eyes as thankfulness and shouts of joy filled my heart. Our little miracle. Such joy. I won’t soon forget that moment.

Life won’t be a perfect fairy tale of happily ever after now that I am pregnant, although we are filled with so much joy and excitement. The path to parenthood will be hard, and I’m sure at times I’ll ask God that familiar question of “why” all over again. Through the good times and the bad I hope to always remember that Jesus is the only worthy obsession. He alone deserves our hearts. He alone can satisfy them. He alone knows what we need.

I don’t know where you’re at in life right now, but I can tell you this for sure – you are NOT alone. You are seen, you are loved, you are important. There is a God who holds every tear. He hears your prayers. He longs to guide your life. Life isn’t about getting everything we’ve always wanted, it’s about getting to know the One who has all we could ever need and pointing others towards him.

Here’s to another adventure! Life with God sure is such a wonderful, worthwhile journey. I love you tremendously, little baby Wilson, our sweet miracle.

Love and Hugs,

Juli Wilson

Julianne Wilson

Striving to make the world a little brighter.

  • lilismile

    Juli Im so happy for you! Your blog is such an inspiration for me. God is faithful and he will never fail. Thanks for sharing such an amazing and touching experience.
    God bless you future mom!

    November 10, 2014 at 7:48 pm Reply
  • ashley adrians

    Simply beautiful.

    November 10, 2014 at 7:59 pm Reply
  • Kris

    So incredibly happy for you and Jarrid!!
    Earlier this year, I was thinking about and praying for you two and I heard God say to me “They’re going to have a baby.” And then when I first saw your announcement on Instagram my heart rejoiced!! Again, so happy for you! 🙂

    November 10, 2014 at 8:11 pm Reply
  • Jennifer Boyd

    I’m in tears! I hope you recieved the email I sent you months ago. Not sure if you did. I’m so happy for baby Wilson. God is knitting him perfectly in your womb. I don’t know why I am referring the baby as a him, maybe it’s a boy!

    November 10, 2014 at 8:16 pm Reply
  • Tricia S

    Praise the Lord!! So happy for you both!! God is so good!

    November 11, 2014 at 4:26 am Reply
  • Rexshell

    This is beyond inspiring. I’ve always had an obsessions when it comes to marriage and having a family. I mean I don’t act towards it, but my mind spends time obsessing over it and one Subday I realize those desires need to take the back seat. I thought that would be the start to a wonderful relationship with God, but I’m slipping and I feel awful cause God deserves my all and while reading the part of your story where God asked you, “what do you want most in life? Is it me or is it a child?”, I twisted the question to fit me and I sadly realized my heart yearned a relationship with a family of my own more than and a relationship with God who has always been there for me. Im glad I decided to read your blog today because it made me felt like I’m not the only person and that someone like me can be victorious and that God is the best choice because He can and will satisfy. Your story also exemplified Psalm 37:4 which declares, “Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart”. Thank you and your husband for constantly being an inspiration in both my physical and spiritual life. I will continuously keep talk in my prayers as God uses you to be a vessel of His ways and His will. Have a blessed one.

    November 11, 2014 at 4:48 am Reply
  • Kasey Damiata

    I have a Dr. appointment today at 2. I am currently in the season of trying. I have always put my focus on the fact that “it will be very hard to have children”, so when my husband and I began trying, that was naturally my focus. I had spoken my own negative report. I, like you, then began to hear the Lord remind me that HE never told me it would be difficult (even though I was diagnosed with PCOS as a teen). I am in the process now of diving deeper into the word to become closer with Him to where His strong, gentle voice becomes louder than my own thoughts again. This blog entry really has hit home with me and is a confirming word that God is in this season, I just need to tune into the God channel of what He is saying about it 🙂

    November 11, 2014 at 6:15 am Reply
  • Chandra Hester

    SO happy for you guys! I prayed and waited for my son for 7 years. He is now 26years old and is a Worship Pastor and serving Jesus. Go listen to his EP on spotify. Falling Lights. Thank you for sharing your story. You can count on my prayers for you daily. Love you guys! Hugs! Xo

    November 11, 2014 at 6:35 am Reply
  • anna

    My congratulations, i’m very happy that god blessed you both with a Baby now:) wish you three all the best! See god has the perfect timing;)

    November 11, 2014 at 8:09 am Reply
  • D. Harris

    CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! We went through this same thing, 4yrs of wondering why I couldn’t get pregnant (my husband already had two children)… I finally stopped stressing about it and turned it over to God and two months later I had a positive pregnancy test! My miracle daughter will be 10 in April… And we were also blessed with a son who will be 8 in December! GOD IS SO GOOD!

    November 11, 2014 at 9:02 am Reply
  • Angela

    Very sweet. I follow you on Instagram and I guess just because you are young I never thought you had had any trouble conceiving. God is so good! I heard recently “far too many people esteem the words of doctors, clergymen, politicians, etc. above the words of God, which are perfect.” So glad to hear you just dove into the Word instead–God is so much greater than a doctor or anyone else. Reminds me of all the barren women in the bible too that God healed up and have children to–so wonderful! His power is limitless!

    November 11, 2014 at 9:06 am Reply
  • Josie Steeves

    God is SO good. Thank you for the inspiration and reminders of Gods’ beautiful love. So thankful for you and your husbands pages, they have been so encouraging to me in this season of my life! Praying for a healthy and baby and mommy to be!

    November 12, 2014 at 12:43 pm Reply
  • Nyle Rigor

    This is the first time that I have visited your blog. It’s amazing how God works in His ways. It’s beyond any human understanding. I’m a mom of 3 in a marriage that didn’t start out very well. My second and third child were what we used to call “accidents”. But God gave us a very hard lesson to learn, to let Him lead the way and surrender to Him.

    We are now in a state of deeper love. We came to understand that God never worked with accidents rather He has a greater purpose.

    It’s sad how some us are blinded with what we have until we’re confronted with reality that others don’t even have those that we fail to acknowledge. Right now, we know that we were blessed with 3 beautiful angels.

    CONGRATULATIONS, Juli! Welcome to a new phase.

    November 27, 2014 at 11:25 pm Reply
  • Theresa Grace kahulugan

    I’m so touch with this story its very Inspiring.. i can say that whatever struggle your experiencing now or you’ve experienced its really all about FAITH. =)


    November 30, 2014 at 3:56 pm Reply
  • Stephanie Olah

    Thank you for this post, Juli, it blessed my heart! and congratulations to you and Jarrid for the lovely baby. Praying for the three of you!

    December 17, 2014 at 11:08 am Reply
  • Chaela Walker

    I needed this today. Thank you and God Bless You and your sweet family.

    December 23, 2014 at 11:37 am Reply
  • Alissa

    This is my first time reading your blog and it couldn’t come at a better time as I too desire and praying for a little miracle baby my husband and I have been trying for four years to have a baby It’s been really hard being that we had a late start we got married when i was 39. I know i need to just let go and give it to God and trust Him and to put Him first in everything! Thank you for sharing! Congratulations God is Faithful! God bless!

    February 28, 2015 at 7:35 am Reply

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